Economic Crisis: Job Loss and the Impact on Relationships
By Dr. Stacie L. Cooper - Feb 1, 2011
It is a commonly known fact that the number one reason for divorce is money. Another top reason is poor communication. These two key points sum up why a lot of couples have difficulties when one (or both) lose their job(s). Further, given the current state of the economy, money may be a larger issue in many relationships than it has been in recent years.
Money is a headache, and money is the cure. ~Everett Mámo
So, what is it that makes money such a “headache,” as the above quote aptly states? More importantly, why is money perceived as “the cure?” How does money, or the lack thereof, affect relationships?
Many intelligent, experienced, and hard-working individuals have lost their jobs in this horrible economy. Job loss can have not only a profound effect on the size of one’s wallet, but can also result in feelings of incompetence, uncertainty about the future, fear of losing respect or status, among many other negative thoughts and feelings. Further, there are often more serious emotional consequences, such as anxiety, depression, anger, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, or other serious problems. If you or your partner lost your job, these are just a few of many common reactions, and they can be deleterious to your relationship.
A typical scenario post-economic crisis involves a young, married couple. Imagine a husband and wife, both on track to be successful in their respective careers. This couple just purchased their first home, began sharing their finances, and felt hopeful about their future together. Then, unexpectedly, the husband is laid off, and the wife is told she will have a decrease in pay with an increase in hours. The husband’s boss apologizes, explaining that they are “downsizing,” and his job is no longer necessary since they have to keep more experienced (aka, older, more reliable, stable) employees. The wife’s company encourages all employees to “sacrifice for the company,” and she feels like she has no other choice since she will be the sole breadwinner for a while. A number of immediate issues begin to heat up the relationship. To name a few - he begins to feel depressed since he no longer feels competent, angry that he is no longer producing for his new family, they begin to worry about how they are going to afford monthly payments on the house since they hadn’t set aside a huge amount of emergency money, she starts to feel resentful after long, exhausting days at work and takes it out on him. You can see how this situation can quickly escalate and result in pointing fingers at one another rather than joining forces to see how the problem is greater than the two of them! From an outside perspective, it’s easy to empathize with them, and to see how they should work together and support one another through this difficult time.
It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. ~George Horace Lorimer
The take-home message here: it’s important to remember what your priorities in life are, put things in perspective, and find ways to be grateful for what you do still have when times get tough. Many couples enter therapy (or one person enters therapy to talk about their relationship problems) when external stressors (like job loss, or financial concerns) polarize them, getting in the way of what really matters. It makes sense, and it is completely normal for this to happen. What helps is having open, honest conversations about finances early on in the relationship to plan ahead and prepare, should something like this arise in the future. Secondly, communicating with one another when finances do become an issue to ensure that you stay on the same “team” instead of taking it out on each other.
In Closing…Some Practical Recommendations:
1) Utilize free sites like Mint.com or justthrive.com that allow you and your significant other view your financials in one place. These are quite easy to set up and understand. They also allow you to view where you spend your money and provide useful recommendations on how to save. This can help you and your partner begin to have these open conversations about your money and prevent financial crises in your relationship!
2) When you are working, before paying any bills or spending a penny of your check, pay yourself. This involves setting aside a specific amount or percentage of your income to a savings account so that you will have a safety net while in between jobs. Traditionally, a minimum of three months of income is recommended for such emergencies.
3) Get into some enjoyable, and free, habits or activities that bring you closer to your partner. You can still enjoy these regardless of your financial situation (e.g., bike ride, walk, make out, go on a picnic, check out local museums or parks). Get creative!
By Dr. Stacie L. Cooper - Feb 1, 2011
It is a commonly known fact that the number one reason for divorce is money. Another top reason is poor communication. These two key points sum up why a lot of couples have difficulties when one (or both) lose their job(s). Further, given the current state of the economy, money may be a larger issue in many relationships than it has been in recent years.
Money is a headache, and money is the cure. ~Everett Mámo
So, what is it that makes money such a “headache,” as the above quote aptly states? More importantly, why is money perceived as “the cure?” How does money, or the lack thereof, affect relationships?
Many intelligent, experienced, and hard-working individuals have lost their jobs in this horrible economy. Job loss can have not only a profound effect on the size of one’s wallet, but can also result in feelings of incompetence, uncertainty about the future, fear of losing respect or status, among many other negative thoughts and feelings. Further, there are often more serious emotional consequences, such as anxiety, depression, anger, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, or other serious problems. If you or your partner lost your job, these are just a few of many common reactions, and they can be deleterious to your relationship.
A typical scenario post-economic crisis involves a young, married couple. Imagine a husband and wife, both on track to be successful in their respective careers. This couple just purchased their first home, began sharing their finances, and felt hopeful about their future together. Then, unexpectedly, the husband is laid off, and the wife is told she will have a decrease in pay with an increase in hours. The husband’s boss apologizes, explaining that they are “downsizing,” and his job is no longer necessary since they have to keep more experienced (aka, older, more reliable, stable) employees. The wife’s company encourages all employees to “sacrifice for the company,” and she feels like she has no other choice since she will be the sole breadwinner for a while. A number of immediate issues begin to heat up the relationship. To name a few - he begins to feel depressed since he no longer feels competent, angry that he is no longer producing for his new family, they begin to worry about how they are going to afford monthly payments on the house since they hadn’t set aside a huge amount of emergency money, she starts to feel resentful after long, exhausting days at work and takes it out on him. You can see how this situation can quickly escalate and result in pointing fingers at one another rather than joining forces to see how the problem is greater than the two of them! From an outside perspective, it’s easy to empathize with them, and to see how they should work together and support one another through this difficult time.
It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. ~George Horace Lorimer
The take-home message here: it’s important to remember what your priorities in life are, put things in perspective, and find ways to be grateful for what you do still have when times get tough. Many couples enter therapy (or one person enters therapy to talk about their relationship problems) when external stressors (like job loss, or financial concerns) polarize them, getting in the way of what really matters. It makes sense, and it is completely normal for this to happen. What helps is having open, honest conversations about finances early on in the relationship to plan ahead and prepare, should something like this arise in the future. Secondly, communicating with one another when finances do become an issue to ensure that you stay on the same “team” instead of taking it out on each other.
In Closing…Some Practical Recommendations:
1) Utilize free sites like Mint.com or justthrive.com that allow you and your significant other view your financials in one place. These are quite easy to set up and understand. They also allow you to view where you spend your money and provide useful recommendations on how to save. This can help you and your partner begin to have these open conversations about your money and prevent financial crises in your relationship!
2) When you are working, before paying any bills or spending a penny of your check, pay yourself. This involves setting aside a specific amount or percentage of your income to a savings account so that you will have a safety net while in between jobs. Traditionally, a minimum of three months of income is recommended for such emergencies.
3) Get into some enjoyable, and free, habits or activities that bring you closer to your partner. You can still enjoy these regardless of your financial situation (e.g., bike ride, walk, make out, go on a picnic, check out local museums or parks). Get creative!